I’m not great with words. I mean, I’m okay at making funny things come out of my mouth - but when it comes to writing I could use a lot of help. Like, do people still use dashes? Did I use that dash correctly?
NOT THE POINT OF WHAT I AM ABOUT TO WRITE.
When someone with as many followers and fans as Adam Carolla says in an interview that “dudes are funnier than chicks” I want to vomit. Not because he may or may not honestly believe that - because who gives a shit? It’s Adam Carolla. He hasn’t influenced my comedic style or my life in any way, shape or form. I’ve been inspired by a group of clouds that look like zoo animals more than I have been inspired by Adam Carolla.
It makes me want to vomit because this topic of “if women are funny or not” is so tired it makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a cheque that I just received from doing stand up.
WEIRD! I GOT PAID FOR BEING FUNNY?
I turned down an audition yesterday. It was for a tampon commercial. I told my agent that I was working all day to get out of going to it. Why did I turn it down? Honestly, I did it because even before I started doing stand up I heard COUNTLESS people say, “female comedians just diss men and talk about their periods.”
It’s weird because I can’t put a face to any of the people who said that to me specifically, so looking back on it I just picture an old timey man who talks fast and steps on his cigarettes after he flicks them on the ground. “These dames are off their rockers, see?? Always talking about their cooters and feelings, TO THE MOON ALICE!” (He is a very well-medicated old timey man.)
Now OBVIOUSLY I know women do not just talk about their periods on stage, but that stereotype is still engrained in the back of my mind. I shouldn’t have to turn down auditions and gigs just because I don’t want to fit some stupid effing stereotype some loser invented years ago. Also please note: it’s not like I have a book shelf full of period jokes that will never make it to stage because I feel I can’t talk about it. I have other interesting things to talk about: like my fear of raccoons and my love of Peter Dinklage.
I was asked to do a show recently that I was extremely pleased to be invited to do. After I had thanked one of the dudes who had asked me to be a part of the show, he very casually said, “yeah, no problem! We needed a girl!” Which MORE THAN LIKELY was not meant to be taken how it came out but it made me laugh. Thanks for getting me the job, vagina!
Maybe I’ve been writing my resume wrong?
HAS A VAGINA
BUT COMES WITH VAGINA
I’ve been asked in interviews before if I find it more difficult as a female doing stand up comedy. My favorite answer to that question is one of Karen O’Keefe’s jokes, “I don’t know. I haven’t tried doing it as a guy.”
Do I find it harder as a female? No. Because if you are funny, you’re funny. You can’t learn how to be funny. You can learn techniques that will help you on stage or on screen, but you either have it or you don’t. It’s as simple as that.
I wish I could learn how to be black though. Maaaaaan do I wish I could learn how to be black.
The most painful and annoying thing for me, personally, is that I don’t know how we can stop talking about this. It’s going to come up again. For a long time. So I guess all I can say is this:
To all of the Adam Carolla’s/Christopher Hitchens’/National Posts’ of the world:
You are free to have an opinion. I do not agree with it, but then, I am free to have an opinion as well. I am not mad at you. I will not hold a grudge. I won’t even “feel bad for you.” I am going to continue to make people laugh because that is what I am very fortunate enough to be able to do in my life, regardless of what sex I am.
In the mean time check out these hilarious people who just happen to have vaginas:
Kristen Wiig. Tina Fey. Maria Bamford. Morgan Murphy. Joan Rivers. Debra DiGiovanni. Nikki Payne. Lori Gibbs. Christina Walkinshaw. Rhiannon Archer. Sarah Adams. Karen O’Keefe. Julia Hladkowicz. Steph Tolev. Diana Love. Erica Sigurdson. Jen Grant. Allison Dore. Rebecca Kohler. Cory Mack. Jane Stanton. Allyson Smith. Jodi Bagyinka. Evany Rosen. All of the girls from “She Said What.” All of the girls from “The Sketchersons.” Lillian DeVane. Amy Schumer. Jen Kirkman, Megan Fraser, Kelly Oxford, Georgea Brooks-Hancock, Kristeen Von Hagen, Laurie Elliott, Desiree Lavoy- Dorsch, Sara Hennessey, Kathleen Phillips, Jackie Fries, Lindsay Mullan, Kate Davis, Maria Heinegg, Immanuela Lawrence, Barbara Holm, Kerri Lendo, Beck Bays
THE LIST GOES ON AND ON.